Why is it difficult to find a common language with a colleague? You have probably heard the saying “Two boots are a pair”. In these words lies the answer. Indeed, it is much easier for people with common interests to find a common language than for those whose principles and views are polar in nature.
Remember the student years: the honors pupils are busy with their scientific affairs, and the guys, whose diploma score is less exciting, hang in clubs and discos.
Of course, they are all people, and surely both types of students celebrated the holidays cheerfully and sat until the night behind textbooks. But all the same, the priorities on both sides are different and it is very difficult to find a couple of good friends whose representatives would resemble different “student strata”. Likewise in the team – all are grouped into “circles of interest.”
Sometimes a colleague who, as you think, hails from a completely different galaxy, easily finds a common language with another person, and with you he has a mutual misunderstanding. And it often happens that it is difficult for a difficult colleague to find a common language even with a whole team.
The reason lies in the different views on life, work, ways of thinking, sometimes erroneous opinions about each other. But you need to adapt.
How to communicate with a “difficult colleague”?
First, you need to understand that “difficult colleagues” are different. Some are overly aggressive, and with others, on the contrary, at the barrel of the machine you can’t pull out the words, the rest are spreading gossip altogether.
First you need to understand what exactly is the root of the problem, what is the difference. In the phrase of the usual greeting “Hello! “Good afternoon!” Obviously there is no problem, but what happens next? Surely the conversation concerns the topic on which you have different views with a colleague. Notice on which phrase the thread of trust breaks. It is on these words that your paths diverge.
Avoid this stumbling block, bypass it with such accuracy, which hundreds of years ago, the ships avoided the insidious rocks. If the discussions are not avoided, then develop a calm attitude to any words of a colleague.
He is also entitled to his opinion!
If you internally convince yourself that you do not care about his views, then your verbal reaction will be different. You will not defiantly cross your arms over your breasts, there will be no smirk on your face, your voice will sound smooth and calm. All these details are seen on a subconscious level and only turn a difficult colleague away from you.
Remember, you should not be offended by people just because they think differently from you. Find positive qualities in your colleague and concentrate only on them.
If you cannot find a contact, select one of the strategies.
- Neutrality – keep your communication to a minimum, but do not write down your colleague in the list of “rogue”. He is the same employee as the others, just you communicate with him less.
- Mutual concessions – let your colleague unwittingly understand that you are ready to sign the “peace” and agree with his convictions in exchange for his favor to your opinion.
- Open competition – if things do not get along at all and you are openly “pressed on”, then be ready to give an answer, but just act politely and openly. Do not see the provocations and do not come first to the conflict. And most importantly – do not pay attention. If you can get rid of this person, then in reality he will impress you no more than meeting a stranger on the street: remember for the first second – forget about the second.
What if the “hard man” is the boss?
50% of success and career growth depends on your relationship with your boss. Of course, you can always quit, but not the fact that the new boss will be more accessible to communicate. In most cases, you can find a common language, even with the most difficult boss. Just be sure to be patient. Without it, nowhere.
- Skip past remarks. Of course, it is always unpleasant to listen to criticism. But if the chef constantly makes unfounded claims, he can only be regretted, because inside he is a deeply unhappy, insecure person who is just as acutely dissatisfied with the quality of his life as your work.
Remember the bosses who always meet workers and are easy to communicate. After all, a smile always shines on their face, he is in a good mood – which means they are happy. Now imagine your boss. He doesn’t smile much, does he? Rather, on the contrary, always dissatisfied with something. Realize the above written and feel sympathy for the boss. His words are only a way to assert themselves. We listen to them with the left ear, and through the right we let them go in free swimming.
- Keep the golden mean. Do not try to build relationships through excessive chatter, but also do not be afraid to engage in conversation with the boss. Feel confident in talking with him. Be brave enough, but also restrained at the same time. Otherwise, you risk getting bored.
- Observation. Surely the chef has periods when he is in a good mood, as well as times when it is better not to come close. Try to logically associate circumstances with possible shades of his behavior. This can be achieved through regular monitoring of the habits and actions of the chef.
And what about the “difficult subordinate”?
The type of workers “and this is not part of my duties” or “gossip behind my back” is also a frequent phenomenon. The solution to this problem is the simplest of all cases – you can dismiss an employee. But if it is not in your competence or you still do not want to lose a qualified employee, then you need to “fix” his shortcomings.
As a rule, financial motivation decides everything. If you really load a person with work that is not part of his duties, then think about whether you are the hero of the article “How to correctly refuse an intrusive boss?” Although there are times when an employee could insure the team and help with something, such instructions were not by the boss.
Tell the person that you are satisfied with his work and want to thank him for the prize. If you often load an employee with additional work, then make concessions to him: let go earlier from work, give leave in those numbers in which he wishes. In other words: act like a human being.
If you have noticed gossip, you can tell the staff the whole truth yourself. Let them know the official version, then the “yellow information” will lose interest. Hint in a personal conversation that you do not like conversations behind your back, and for this you are harshly punished.
Or maybe you yourself are a “difficult colleague”?
Do you think there are people in the team who shun you? If yes, then for them you, too, are for certain the “uneasy person.”
For example, shy people often lead others into some kind of deception. In fact, they are very closed and afraid to be the first to talk. But who knows about this? It is not written on them: I’m ashamed. But others see only their outer shell: they do not communicate with anyone, they avoid everyone, they do not support conversation. What a self-confident guy and surely too proud. Here is how!
If you are not very sociable, then think about whether others are not “afraid” of you?
It may also concern successful people. Colleagues with lower self-esteem have enrolled you in the local “celebrities” and may not consider themselves worthy to be your friends.
Show sincere interest in everyone and be open. Take the first steps yourself and see who will follow you.